Me

Yesterday was an interesting day, after grabbing my grande, non fat, sugar free vanilla, 140 degree, Caramel Macciato, to go, I wondered what made me the person I'm perceived to be. On paper I'm a writer and film maker who has a degree in film and video and due to graduate in September, I've worked at a worldwide coffee cooperation for the last four years whilst maintaining my degree and a four year relationship (which has currently ended) but does that make me who I am. Of course it's a part of who I am but what do the people on the outside see when the happen to glance in, well I'm 5-ft 7 and a bit, curvy with blue eyes, Im strong headed, Independent, I don't mince my word's, I love earning money, getting drunk (not being) and more than anything socializing, I don't like being on my own except when either reading, writing or wanking, I like looking at the sea but not being in it, Im impatient and argumentative, I'm loud and sometimes obnoxious, the perfect date would be a meal and the cinema/gig/bowling/drinking and finished with the perfect moon lit/rain splattered kiss, I love material things bags Chloe/Guess/Balenciaga shoes, Louboutins/ Kurt Geiger/ Alexander McQueen but most of all I love men. I love all the things men are and what they represent how they look/ smell/act, the chemistry between men and women/other men/their mother but more than men I love writing and you guessed it about men. Most women from the get go are told of the relationship between a man and woman whether it's Mother Father, Husband Wife or Brother and Sister. This has always intrigued me as a single woman, of 22, heading out into the big bad world, there are only two thing's on my mind, career and my next relationship.

So I guess that last sentence covers me, a woman of 22 trying to sort out my career and relationship before I turn thirty and therefore a spinster.

Dear Spaniard ...

So my Spaniard has migrated. He, having been mentioned before over the last couple of months but not by this new name has played a partial role in my life, in the last chapter of Newport. He refers to my as one of his lifers and I refer to him as my spaniard. He has very much put himself at the centre of my world and it started with him getting a job in my coffee house, our friendship grew from there his friends became involved with my friends and vice versa, but now due to a drunken mishap with a red lighted friend, I'm sad to say my spaniard has left the building and the country for that matter.

So what's a girl to do, well I've booked a flight out in September to, not only visit him and meet his family but to go to the world cup winning country (not that I'm a football fan or anything but think of the men)! It's also a perfect opportunity to get inside his head, seeing as he spends most of his time rummaging around in mine, trying to "figure me out". I will spend those eight very exciting days, exploring where he grew up and finally get to understand how those wheels churn. This development is going to be exciting and also the drunken times ahead with my Spaniard and my born and bred Cardiff companion who is coming along for the drunken escapades and obvious games of UNO.

So my point dear readers is this, find a Spaniard who can speak five different languages, not judge and get inside of your head and you might just find not only a best friend but someone who will help you out of a pickle no mater how far out of their way they have to go.

Chapter 2

This week has been an interesting one indeed. It started with me saying goodbye to my first so called city and moving home to the next and believe me, I have lots to write about.

On parting my so-called city I got caught in web of deception between two friends, one migrated and one has got me caught in a web of lies. On arriving back I’ve had to lie to a partial person, comfort a friend in a similar situation and get over a love, not what you’d call an uneventful week.

At the moment though I’m missing my migrated friend and hopefully I will be able to fly and join him from a foreign so-called city … well here’s hoping.

The City and County of Newport – For Now Its Goodbye

Today is an interesting day, I say goodbye to my first so called city. I’ve finished uni and for the next few months will be moving back home to the town of Llanelli, where the blog will be now based from, well for the next few months anyway.

In the last three years I have learnt so much and am really sad to say goodbye, I have been privileged to meet some amazing people, I’ve got a degree, made up, broke up, loved, kissed in the rain, become a writer, made a film, broke a heart, had my heart broken, planned the next two years, become a so called femme fatale and written about it in my so called blog.

So here it is readers … the next chapter.

A Boy Brushed Red

Can you feel your heartbeat racing?
Can you taste the fear in her sweat?
You've done this wrong it's too far gone
These sheets tell of regret
I admit that I'm just a fool for you
I'm just a fool for you

Here is where we both go wrong

Tonight's your last chance to do exactly
what you want to
And this could be my night
This is what makes me feel alive
Makes you feel alive

Here is where we both go wrong
So tie me up and toss this key
'Cause for now we're living

In this moment that we both ignore the truth
It's all over!
It's all over!

I feel your heart against mine
So take a breath and close your eyes, eyes

Your lungs have failed
and they've both stopped breathing
My heart is dead and it's way past beating
Something has gone terribly wrong
I'm scared, you're scared, we're scared of this
I never thought we'd make it out alive
I never told you but it's all in your goodbyes
It's all in your goodbyes

Well, look who's dying now slit wrists from sleeping
with the girl next door
I always knew you were such a sucker for fate
It doesn't matter what you say
You never mattered anyway
never mattered anyway

In this moment that we both ignore the truth
It's all over
It's all over

I feel your heart rubbing against mine
So take a breath and close your eyes, eyes

Don't shake, I hate to see you tremble
tremble like you've lost your touch haven't you?
I'm so addicted
So addicted

Lessons of the Heart

I learned a very hard lesson, a very long time ago. Do not mix friend groups, it will always end badly, even if at first it seems like you’ve successfully introduced friends to friends whether it be, work friends with uni friends or boyfriends to best friends it never works out.

There are many reasons why a person you love dearly doesn’t get on with another friend you love just as equally and I have lived through many of them. Whether it be your best friend telling you that you spend to much time with your boyfriend or your work friend trying it on with your uni friend and being hurt in the process of a let down. What is a girl to do. Well pick your event and guest list carefully as a cocktail of the wrong people can lead to disastrous consequences and highly likely, a hangover.

But what happens when you have to pick one over the other, even if it breaks your heart to say goodbye, would you do it to save a relationship over friendship or the other way around. In the past I’ve chosen a relationship over friendship and vice versa I looked at both people and how each of them affects my life and chose the one that would aid my happiness rather than prevent it. But that’s not to say that I think men or friends are disposable, I just look at how much damage can be caused to my social group and if a choice has to be made then I have no problem cutting that person out.